liquidation | 001 | Stupid Won't-Die Bastard

[Who’s blond, angry, and ranting at his Pokegear? If you guessed ‘Liquid goddamn Snake’, you get a prize.]

I do not care who all of you are, or where I am, or how I have come to be here. I do not care if I have been spirited off to a strange world or if I am hallucinating though the latter seems much more likely than the former. Bloody Stinger missiles. Such mere details are irrelevant until I have gained the knowledge of one thing, and one thing only!

[dramatic pause]

The location of one man, the one man amongst the billions of wretches filling this miserable earth whose every breath is an affront to me. The light to my darkness, the flesh of my flesh and blood of my blood, the man who casts a shadow that stretches to the end of the world! The man who stands high and secure upon an indomitable pedestal, the missing parts of my genetic legacy, who stole the birthright that should be mine! I will not rest until I find him! I will tear apart the fabric of this universe if I must!

My brother! Solid Snake!

[Protip: the prize is a rant.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

_{[A long silence.]

[... And then, in a dull tone (because it FIGURES. It just FIGURES...):]}

Nice.

Something tells me you're gonna have a hard time adjusting to this place.

[So you remember that dickbag you told Liquid he didn't have to end up like? So much for that.]

I've adapted to far worse places.

_{[Yeah. She remembers pretty well.]}

I know.

That's why I think you're gonna have a hard time.

[His voice takes a wary edge; she knows something that he doesn't, and he doesn't appreciate being out of the loop.]

I don't follow you. What could possibly be in this rose-tinted world that would give me pause?

Because it took you awhile to adjust last time and I have a feeling you were a little less of a raging douchebag back then.

_{[SORRY LIQUID SHE'S HAD A REALLY BAD MONTH AND DOESN'T APPRECIATE BEING CALLED A HALLUCINATION.]}

I was simply burdened by an overabundance of sentimentality. It's a trap I'll be sure to avoid while I'm here.

[He's been called a lot worse than a douchebag in his day, and by much more important people than a teenage girl.]

_{[This is like the cherry on top of the cake of suck she's been having to eat constantly for the past few weeks.]}

Right. Lemme know how that works out for you.

I'm sure you'll hear.

[Liquid was not exactly what one would call the subtle type. If he got up to something, pretty soon people would know about it.]

_{[Yeah. She remembers getting called up in the middle of the night and asked to go buy condoms.]

[She lets out a gruff, surly huff and promptly hangs up. Her patience had been worn thin as tissue paper with everything that had been going on, and a dear friend who was suddenly even nastier than he'd started out as all the way back then is exactly what she doesn't have the presence of mind to deal with right now.]}

001 | Stupid Won't-Die Bastard | Video

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