liquidation | 001 | Stupid Won't-Die Bastard

[Who’s blond, angry, and ranting at his Pokegear? If you guessed ‘Liquid goddamn Snake’, you get a prize.]

I do not care who all of you are, or where I am, or how I have come to be here. I do not care if I have been spirited off to a strange world or if I am hallucinating though the latter seems much more likely than the former. Bloody Stinger missiles. Such mere details are irrelevant until I have gained the knowledge of one thing, and one thing only!

[dramatic pause]

The location of one man, the one man amongst the billions of wretches filling this miserable earth whose every breath is an affront to me. The light to my darkness, the flesh of my flesh and blood of my blood, the man who casts a shadow that stretches to the end of the world! The man who stands high and secure upon an indomitable pedestal, the missing parts of my genetic legacy, who stole the birthright that should be mine! I will not rest until I find him! I will tear apart the fabric of this universe if I must!

My brother! Solid Snake!

[Protip: the prize is a rant.]

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

Oh, I think it's very simple. You may expound all you like about how you've changed, my good doctor, but you're the exact same bleeding heart that you were on Shadow Moses. You're still falling in love with someone you can never have.

[It's a low blow, and he knows it.]

Am I your new Wolf, Emmerich? Will you say you love me as you help my brother shoot out my heart?

...

[Oh, wow. That one actually stung.]

[A lot.]

...it's not like that.

[He takes a certain vicious satisfaction in seeing his words hit their marks.]

It seems very much the same to me. Did you think I didn't notice how you followed her around like one of her wolf-dogs, hoping for her to notice you? You have a knack, doctor, for dooming your unrequited loves. Quit while you're behind.

...It's not going to be that easy to get me to give up.

Oh, trust me, I've noticed! Wolf barely sent a glance your way and you loved her 'til death did you part, isn't that right?

Well, in that case, if he's here, I hope you're able to find him. I'd appreciate someone taking the time to reduce the amount of idiots running around thissss place!

[Cobra's not even going to mention the lack of permanent death or anything like that. He's far too entertained to ruin this conversation with something like that.]

_{[A long silence.]

[... And then, in a dull tone (because it FIGURES. It just FIGURES...):]}

Nice.

Something tells me you're gonna have a hard time adjusting to this place.

[So you remember that dickbag you told Liquid he didn't have to end up like? So much for that.]

I've adapted to far worse places.

_{[Yeah. She remembers pretty well.]}

I know.

That's why I think you're gonna have a hard time.

[His voice takes a wary edge; she knows something that he doesn't, and he doesn't appreciate being out of the loop.]

I don't follow you. What could possibly be in this rose-tinted world that would give me pause?

Because it took you awhile to adjust last time and I have a feeling you were a little less of a raging douchebag back then.

_{[SORRY LIQUID SHE'S HAD A REALLY BAD MONTH AND DOESN'T APPRECIATE BEING CALLED A HALLUCINATION.]}

I was simply burdened by an overabundance of sentimentality. It's a trap I'll be sure to avoid while I'm here.

[He's been called a lot worse than a douchebag in his day, and by much more important people than a teenage girl.]

_{[This is like the cherry on top of the cake of suck she's been having to eat constantly for the past few weeks.]}

Right. Lemme know how that works out for you.

I'm sure you'll hear.

[Liquid was not exactly what one would call the subtle type. If he got up to something, pretty soon people would know about it.]

My brother is many things, but fool is not one of them. He would not have lived to become the perfect soldier if he was.

[Best not to mention that. For one thing, he might try to test it.]

_{[Yeah. She remembers getting called up in the middle of the night and asked to go buy condoms.]

[She lets out a gruff, surly huff and promptly hangs up. Her patience had been worn thin as tissue paper with everything that had been going on, and a dear friend who was suddenly even nastier than he'd started out as all the way back then is exactly what she doesn't have the presence of mind to deal with right now.]}

[As long as Cobra's not the test subject, he's cool with someone testing it.]

The perfect soldier?

[That got his attention.]

Creating a perfect soldier is impossible. Believe me, I've seen the greatest scientists in the world try, and it results in nothing but failure!

Then your scientists are hardly worth the salary you pay them. The perfect soldier has already been made, cloned and engineered from the genes of a legend.

[Now you've got him talking about Snake, and he is never going to stop.]

He is everything but failure. He is an apex predator, untouched in skill, unmatched in the art of war. Every aspect of him was engineered to be perfectly adapted to a battlefield, from the strength of his arm to his killer instincts. He is the rise and fall of nations. He stands high and immutable on a pedestal built of his own glory.

And I am going to destroy him.

Cobra scientists are worth every penny sssspent acquiring them!

[Okay, maybe not every penny.

Maybe not even half the pennies.

Okay, some of them are getting fired when he gets back to his world.]

But if your description is even half accurate, then I can see why you'd want someone like that done away with. I certainly wouldn't want sssomething like that in the hands of my enemies.

I don't want to kill him simply because he is a threat. I want to kill him because I am his shadow and forever lost in the shadow that he casts. I want to kill him because he is everything that I could have been but was never meant to be. The spilling of his blood would mark my victory in a game that I was never meant to win.

I want to kill him because he is my twin, and only his death can return to me what is rightfully mine!

[Cobra's only half paying attention to all that. Definitely sounds like there's some sort of major sibling rivalry going on there.]

Then by all means go right ahead. I certainly won't get in your way. The way I sssee it, if someone like that is here, you eliminating them does me a favor by removing the chance of them being used against me.

What ever made you think that your approval one way or the other would have mattered? If you did get the foolish idea to stand in my way, rest assured that you would be nothing more than a speed bump.

I have no intention of becoming a ssspeed bump! For anyone!

[And usually, he's the one threatening people with things like that.]

Then I should imagine it's very clear that you should stay out of my way.

Is that a threat?

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